Dear Christmas

Dear Christmas,

You are only a week away and once again I feel bested by you.

I see you coming with the first damn Christmas ad the day after Hallowe'en. Revelling in spookiness, candy, and a carpet of freshly fallen leaves, I laugh, I scoff, and then I happily ignore you.

A few weeks later the Christmas Fairs start. What fun! Seeing all the crafts and homemade goodies. I go, I browse, I am calm, for Christmas is still but a glimmer on the horizon. I may buy a few things, but my list is not made, the money not earned, and so I am once again happy in my ignorance, my procrastination.

Suddenly it is December. Everyone starts talking about Christmas holidays, finishing work "before Christmas", the weather turns, the snow falls, I can feel your breathe cold and tingly on my ears. Santa appears, I bake, I make a wreath. The lights the lights the LIGHTS MAMA!!! We trim the tree, enjoy time with friends and family.

One week to go, I have done pretty well. I have shopped for almost all, braved the sour faces in the stores, shelled out my carefully saved money for gifts. Laden down with a child in many layers of clothes in a stroller which won't stroll on mall floors, I laugh at the busy, the bustle as people push by.

But this morning it happened. After paying too much for a Blu Ray disc (where did DVDs go??) I had a moment, the moment that comes every year. I pause, I gulp, my hearts starts a-beating like crazy. It is the curse of the unprepared. The moment I wonder: will I have enough presents? will they like them? have I spent enough? too much? why didn't I start making presents in October, or even better August?

 I am fractured. I am trying to sit quietly with a cup of tea, stop the panic about you Christmas, ignore the work proposal I should write (sometime before Jan 5). Enjoy the time, the lights on the Xmas train with my son tonight. His joy at not things (it may be the last year) but at living and learning and running and screaming and laughing.

Signed, another weary soul

PS I must remember, cure to quell the panic as always at this time of year is a spiked cup of cheer!