Biggest Fear (Academic Post)

My biggest fear is that I am going to be a Dr. Mediocre. Or that I am writing the **Mediocre Dissertation**.

At the moment, this fear has resurfaced because of a difficult situation with a committee member (CM). I loved the committee member archetypes Happy Ending has written about, but I will refrain from putting this member in one of those categories until after the defense (in 2 months). At the moment, the effect of this negative CM is to make me feel like all the work I have done is: 1) unscientific, 2) pointless (irrelevant), and 3) written very badly. Whether or not this CM actually thinks this or not, the comments on my thesis have made me feel certain that this must be the case. Of course, the other 3 CM's do not agree, but having that one extremely negative feedback feeds the worms in my brain!

Furthermore the negative CM may in fact prevent me from defending in Sept. which means I won't graduate in Nov. Sigh. Kind of stressful since I have one post doc position already lined up, and another possibility closer to home in the works. Can't have a post doc position without those three letters after your name, PhD.

In the evenings when my brain is full and my neck is hurting from sitting at my computer madly typing I have been spinning AND knitting. Oh my. My Honey came home one night to find me madly spinning this wool. I was not to be interrupted since I was taking out my frustrations spawned by negative CM on the spinning wheel! The resulting yarn is kind of pretty though. Baby sweater is almost finished- yay! Maybe baby Pippa won't be walking before the sweater is finished (she is 4 weeks now :)).

Back to writing my abstract. Otherwise I am finished! I have even made all negative CM's requested changes! Please please let me defend in Sept!