Birthstory

Dear Baby,

I am starting this tonight, a few weeks before your first birthday. I am feeling surprisingly sad tonight realizing how quickly you are growing! I just put you to bed in your own room for the first time and this is making me sentimental. It is bittersweet- tonight your dad and I have our room back for the first time since July 2, but it also means you are getting to be a big boy.

On the night you were almost born...
It was hot. The day had been about 30 degrees Celsius; the night wasn't much cooler despite all the fans blowing.
There were lights on everywhere in the house. We thought you were going to be born at home, but you had other plans.
There was a swimming pool in our dining room, but it was too hot and I didn't want to stay too long in the warm water.
Your dad was everywhere and always by my side at the same time. He was strong, yet scared. Me too.

Two days before you were born...
July 28th, at 7 pm, while lying in bed watching tv, my water broke. I panicked- did this mean I was in labour?
Your dad called Jane the midwife. She calmed us down. She said Relax, Sleep, it could be awhile before things started to happen.
We slept. At least I did, your dad said later he couldn't sleep much at all.

The day before you were born...
July 29th, around 730 am, Jane called to check on us. We discussed inducing, but I said no.
She said walk, drink some castor oil, start thinking of babies being born.
In the sweltering heat we took the dogs for a walk in Cowichan Bay. I waddled 2 kms, very uncomfortable. It was so bright my eyes hurt. It all felt very surreal knowing we would see you soon.
Mahone swam and swam in the water.
Later that day I drank the drink and it made me feel weird.
I mowed the lawn in the heat.
Still no sign of you.
We waited.
Around 4 pm you decided it was time to start arriving.
I watched more tv. Breathed through the pain. Started my hypnobirthing. We called the midwife. She came.

On the night you were almost born...
I listened. To hypnobirthing music. To midwives. To pain. To my strength.
I dealt with it. I kept going. I held on. I took breaks when I needed them. I resisted moving.
I walked down the driveway and back to shift you. So long. So painful. Each fence post a crutch through the surges. Your dad's hand.
Trying to be quiet in the dark.
Hoping for progress. None to be made. Using aaallllll my energy to make you budge. You didn't.

On the morning you were born,
Dawn, pale blue, pale gray, pale rose.
Driving through town. Not stopping at lights. Your dad controlled but fast. Jane right behind.
Hospital. Can't sit in the chair- who makes wheelchairs without padding????
Slowly walking to delivery ward. Stopping. Starting. Straining.
Arrive. Bed. First IV ever. It is ok.
Nurses, doctor, new faces.
Same old same old no progress only the same old same old
EPIDURAL.
Afraid of needles.
Scared.
But what could be worse? Pain is BLACK WALL. Harder to get through.
Tried to rip you from me, NOT RIGHT.
Kind man, anesthetist. Gentle. It is ok, needles. needles. needles.
What is this? Where is the pain?
I cry. Why? No pain. Black wall, black wall......... goooonnnnne.
Go ahead, get my baby!!!
Cheerful, happy, relieved.
Your dad? Happy, there again (disappeared for a bit while I was in my head). Woozy, seeing things I can't.
Fourth? time lucky, you are HERE. In my arms, slippery. Blonder. My boy, my boy, first glimpse. Dad it is our boy!
I love you I love you I love you

Mom

Walking around the house

The baby is independently walking around the house now- has started only over the past few days. Has gone from standing up at a table to navigating from table to chair to couch to....door, oh my gosh almost out the screen!!!! Yep, have to suddenly watch very closely and have started to move ANYTHING that he shouldn't be into. Electrical cords, computers, papers, any non-board books (he eats the paper pages).

Baby's first birthday is fast approaching and we are having a big hoopla. Mostly family and a few friends, big and small. We hope it will be a nice day and are planning to go to the beach and have a bbq.

Mr W is still working 5 days a week in Vancouver. He has been there almost 3 months! We are surviving on both sides. Makes it harder now that the baby can quite clearly say "Hi Dada!" (and to the right person!). Baby was playing with the cell phone this morning saying "Dada! Dada!" when Mr W phoned. I answered and I think the baby was just too overwhelmed by it all and sat down and started crying. Good thing Mr W comes home tonight :)

I have been busy looking for bits of work. It is tough, I seem to get extra stressed about work right now. I have no plans on how I would work if I got any- i.e. no daycare lined up. I don't even want daycare. Mom says she will help out, so I think I will also look for a nanny. Of course I say that but have made no move in that direction. I feel he is too little to be in daycare a few mornings a week, but lots of kids are in daycare at that age. If I have a choice, I think I will try and find an alternative in the meantime.

On the creative side, I made a book for baby's first birthday, based on a song we sing. I also am still knitting up a summer top in the hopes I might get to wear it soon! Will post pics if I do.

Baby Talk

The baby seems to go through talking phases. One week he is screeching loudly, pleased with how loud he is. The next he is content to babble away to me, his favourite words being Dadada dada and Bababa. When I point to myself and say Mama he occasionally will make a sound that a mother might think is "mama" but I am not sure he gets it yet. Sometimes when he sees the dogs though he says something that sounds truly like "Dogggssssss!"
He also sings. He has been singing since he was only a few months old. The first time was when his Grandma was rocking him to sleep singing "Hushabye Hushabye Baby" and he started quietly saying "heh heh heh" along with her. These days he turns on the music on one of his toys and does something similar but with a lot more confidence.
I didn't teach him sign language. Partly because I think we communicate pretty well. If he is really thirsty he moves his mouth a certain way (or grabs my breasts for milk... not so cool). If he is tired he rubs his eyes. If he is bored he starts hollering at me and looking at me pointedly (Mom my toys are sooooo boring!!). If he is hungry he lets me know too. We communicate. He understands what I am telling him more each day. Pretty cool :)

Shhhhhhhh, the baby is sleeping!

Yes, there have been some changes around here. But only recently. Up until two days ago I was wandering around half crazed from lack of sleep, at times found staring off into space as I thought "So THIS is what being a little insane feels like", trying just to get through each day without too much stress and/or tears. Chocolate was my coping mechanism, amongst, of course, the support of my husband, friends and family. I knew things were bad when my friend phoned "just to check in" after a long chat about how little sleep I had been getting.

But not to jinx anything, I am not saying things have gotten all perfect around here, and I fully realize that I could once again have sleepless nights. I am just saying, things might be getting better (touch wood).

I was all ready to let the baby start to cry it out at night. I was shocked to realize that since I hadn't been doing that, I was actually parenting in a style I hadn't intended. Now there is nothing wrong with attachment parenting, I just hadn't intended to be following this method. But I was, and it was wearing on me.

Fortunately I got a very good book out of the library which outlined several reasons why a baby might not sleep at night, and one of them was because they are "Snackers" who are used to eating frequently throughout the day. The book suggested that I could try to spread meals out a bit during the day, with the result that the baby would want to eat less at night as well. Magic. Day one, I did this with no protest at all from baby, and the night was... better. He still woke up but I was able to pat him back to sleep very quickly in his crib. I fed him twice at night (rather than 4-6 times!). Day 2, last night, I only got up twice to soothe/feed. Oh my that is ok!

I have also stopped feeding him to sleep during the day. And what I thought would be a battle is really quite painless. He sometimes cries a bit, but not for very long at all.

This is all good timing because Mr W starts a job in Vancouver next week for the next couple of months. Meaning he will be away 5 days a week. Tough for him to do, but necessary financially. We are looking a for a place which won't mind baby and dogs visiting from time to time though so we can spend more time together than just weekends.

But yes, baby is sleeping so I think I will go catch up on my reading- I purchased Twilight the other day, and I am hooked!

Sleep

The past few months I have learned a few things about sleep. I CAN survive on much less of it than I ever imagined. That 3 hours at a time seems like luxury. That I can't nap during the day (I kind of knew that but I managed to sleep when pregnant). That babies sometimes sleep better as infants than when they are teething.

And that there is an emotional response to lack of sleep, which borders on insanity.

The baby is up an average of every two hours every single night. When much smaller he slept through the night, or at least for 4 hours at a time. Then his teeth erupted. Two on the bottom. Two on the top. Then two more on the top. Probably two more on the bottom too, but I am not sure. Comfort for him is nursing close to me at night. How do I deny this? How do I change this? Lots of advice on the internet, from moms who have gone through this before, but mostly just sympathy and reminders that "This too, will pass."

Mr W was away for a week, but now he is home and takes on some of the earlier evening feeds, which helps me. It is nice to only get up 2-3 times instead of 5 or 6.

So we are hanging in there, but sometimes I think barely. Good thing spring is on the way and I can mentally plan my garden in the wee hours!

A little bit debt free... or debt unburdened?

Today is the closing day for our refinanced mortgage. By taking advantage of lower interest rates, Mr W and I were able to refinance our mortgage, add $45k to the mortgage for debt repayment, and: 1) not increase our semi-monthly payment OR 2) not increase our mortgage term. I played the banks fairly hard I think. Once approved by ING at 4.34% I called CIBC where our mortgage resides to see if they could get us a better deal. They came back at 4.3%, which ING countered at 4.29%. In the end, ING was far superior in response time and customer service. CIBC simply dropped the ball - taking several days to get back to me with an offer, whereas ING responded within hours of my emails. ING also allows to pay back up to 25% a year without penalty, a huge advantage for us to eventually start paying our mortgage down.

So while we are obviously not debt free, the debt burden has been lessened. Our monthly debt repayments have been reduced by hundreds of dollars, and we are saving thousands and thousands on interest. We still have our government student loans to pay off, which now seems achievable. This will be our first debt goal. Our mortgage has amount is still considerably below assessed value too, just in case things start to fall in this neighbourhood. In 2008 our house still increased in value by 6%- a slow down, but not a downturn yet.

Ahhhh spring. Time for reworking the finances :) Mr W is also away welding (although it is -32 with windchill in Prince George- Nancy I guess everywhere slightly north is cold too? Especially compared to the south coast!) which he often does in the spring. My bulbs are up, and yes, today we have a snowfall warning!

Since I have been posting finances lately, and little about the little boy, here is a recent pic from one of our geocaching adventures.

On breastfeeding

I have had an awkward relationship with breastfeeding the little babe. I can`t say I love it. I can`t say it is the worst thing in the world. There are moments I hate it. Moments it is pretty cool. For the first six weeks it was the most painful thing - the baby wasn`t draining the milk (said the lactation expert) and so I was experiencing pain for several hours after a feeding. Now it is mostly better, although it still hurts sometimes. I like the convenience of it, I like how much the little one LOVES it. Does it keep him up more at night? It must, I am feeding him every 2 hours right now, though to be honest, he used to be a much better sleeper. I love it though, at those moments when I have him snuggled up to me and he is oh so content. Our little world is compressed into a little bit of space which is me and him. I don't know I am going to miss it when it is gone though.

And I must say I think that our society has gone a little too much "pro-breastfeeding" only in that you are made to feel very very guilty if you use formula at all. Yet I see many other mom's skulking in the formula aisle at Wal Mart too. After all, don't we all need a break? Doesn't Dad need the chance to bond with his son/daughter too? Yes, it is possible to pump, but when that was an option for me, it didn't give me the time away from my breasts and breastfeeding I needed (mainly when it was very painful to feed). Sometimes, it is best to leave all the guilt alone, and let people make the decisions for themselves that get them through the day I think.

Financial Post: Firing the investment specialist

Previously, Mr W and I had been dealing with an investment specialist at our local credit union. She answered all our questions and we were both pleased to move our RRSPs to be managed through the credit union. But then she left. And I had an uneasy feeling. A letter arrived in the mail in the fall saying the new person would be calling us to discuss our investments soon. Nothing happened. I hadn't received a statement for a very long time, so I decided to make an appointment to discuss my RRSPs and to start the process of opening an RESP for the baby.

The new investment specialist and I did not hit it off. He was late to the meeting, unprepared to talk about my RRSP (ok, the little it is, but still it is my money), had no advice on what to do in "these financial times", and could not set up an RESP because he had to leave at noon. We definitely got off on the wrong foot when he couldn't tell me how much I had originally invested (my principal) compared to what I had in the RRSP today.

He did show me his top 4 mutual funds for investing in an RESP. When I asked about management fees he looked surprised and said I was the first person ever to ask him this. Really? Three of his top 4 mutual funds contained at least one major holding of oil from Alberta oil sands. When I questioned the stability and long-term outlook for oil, again, he looked surprised and asked why I would be worried about this. Since Mr W has worked in the oil patch we tend to follow things closely, and right now things are the worst they have been in a very long time. It does not mean it won't rebound, but with the US, a major buyer of this oil, continues to push a "Buy US" attitude, these companies may never reach the capacity they enjoyed at the height of the summer last year.

I left the meeting feeling very unsettled with another appointment for the weekend to set up the RESP. Once I got home though and talked it through with Mr W we realized it just wasn't going to work. I went online to one of my favourite financial bloggers, Four Pillars, and read through their RESP information. Because Four Pillars and Canadian Capitalist are very clear on how they set up their RESPs I finally understood the advantage of investing in index funds, and managing our own portfolio. As well, MoneySense Magazine, which I received in the mail that day, had an article on the Couch Potato Strategy, giving me more confidence to take this path. I called the investment specialist back (he didn`t answer of course) and left a message to cancel our meeting, saying simply we had decided to look at other options.

We have not set up the RESP yet, being embroiled in mortgage refinancing right this second, but we will soon take the money out of the savings account for the little guy and get it all worked out.

Gardening in February

I was out in my garden yesterday afternoon for about an hour, so Mr W had to phone his parents who live in the interior to gloat, uh, I mean, tell them about it. I have snowdrops poking their heads up, but Mom has hers in full bloom! Lots of other little things coming up, so I took the opportunity to clean up the dead stems and prune back some of the bushes that got overgrown. Here is a picture of last year's garden in the spring...

I have been hiking quite a bit too, and a few weeks ago my friend and I packed our sons up to the top of one of the local mountains. It was a glorious day and warm enough to shed several layers, at least in the sunshine. We sat at the top for about an hour eating snacks and getting a tan.

The little boy loves to eat eat eat. His first taste of new food is always met by a puzzled look but after he tries it again a few days later he seems to like almost anything. Cheerios are is current favourite, probably because it is such a challenge to pick them up that most end up on the floor, which attracts the dogs to his high chair, and he LOVES the dogs.

Arrives the first tooth!

Says cranky baby, Mom and Dad here is my first tooth! I will fuss about when you feed me, sleep less than usual, and present to you all my general distress at this event.

Christmas events

I can't believe Christmas is come and gone. It seemed so crazy before Christmas, as usual. When will I ever learn to plan further ahead? Mr W's family STILL have not received the gifts we sent on the bus that were supposed to arrive before Christmas. He phoned today and due to the snow there have been long delays.
Our Christmas was spent at my parents. We woke up to a power outage on Christmas morning so scrambled around trying to pack up and drive to their place an hour away. We got there for brunch, and a nice afternoon opening presents and of course, cooking (mostly Mom!). Check out this picture of the baby with his uncle, wearing the new Canucks jersey Uncle C. got him. Baby had a busy day, and melted down a few times. I ignored the nap cues, wanting to spend Christmas opening presents with the babe. Oh me oh my. Not worth the screaming and crying that resulted!!! The three of us spent the night at a hotel in Sidney since Grandma was staying at my parents so we couldn't stay in the guest room. Next day everyone was meant to come to ours, but snow created anxiety so we stayed until later afternoon and took the little ferry home instead of driving the treacherous, snowy roads.

On the event side, baby started eating solid foods with gusto this week. He loves loves loves solid food. Within the week he happily eats rice cereal, banana, applesauce, and squash. Yay baby! He has breakfast and dinner, and the dinner, combined with his bottle, seems to make him almost sleep through the night. If only, instead of waking at 6, he could wake at 7? That would be sooooooooooo nice.

Pics of gifts

My three sets of fingerless mitts:
The blue set is for a good friend, the pink are for me, and the gray/pink on the left are for my sister-in-law-to-be.

And here are pics of the easy yummy yummy chocolates Mr W and I made. Pictured here is white chocolate, pistachios, and cranberry bark, and milk/white chocolate almond bark. The dark chocolate, almond and cranberry bark didn't make a very good picture, being all brown :)

Baby its cold outside

We have the Christmas tunes going around here. And the weather is cooperating, it uncharacteristically feels like Christmas with all the snow and chilly weather we have had in the last week. It is quite lovely, I don't mind a little bit of snow once in awhile. This picture was taken with our cell phone which has a 2MB camera yesterday evening as we walked the dogs and enjoyed the sunset out in Cowichan Bay.

We are making several gifts this year. I have been madly knitting fingerless mittens for a few people, including my brothers fiancee (they just got engaged last week, yay!). I had knit one lovely one for her only to find out she is allergic to wool, so lucky me, I will keep it for myself and hope to knit up its partner soon. Each mitt takes about 2 nights to make, not bad, I like instant gratification.

Mr W and I also started making chocolate for his sisters and brother. We bought some fancy pants Bernard Callebaut chocolate from our fancy pants grocery store, melted it poured it over: pistachios and cranberries for the white chocolate, and almonds and cranberries for the dark. It is hard not to nibble, I finally had to put it away so we didn't keep indulging. We need to buy more of the bulk bricks because it didn't go as far as we thought (regardless of our eating the results!), but each brick is almost $10. Told you, it is fancy chocolate. But yummy!! And hopefully all will appreciate the gifts.

Buying gifts (for free) for self - to wrap or not to wrap?

Mr W and I tend to know every year what we are getting for each other. We often buy it together. We don't always wrap it and put it under the tree. Seems a bit strange, this whole Christmas thing, when viewed this way though. We buy stuff we can't necessarily afford (although past two years have tried to avoid this) at this time of year.... because we have a license to do so- it is Christmas after all.

Mr W just order several books for us all from Chapters, for example. For himself he got a book on playing poker (one of his hobbies), for us both he got a cookbook (even though he does most of the cooking, I get to enjoy the food so we both benefit), for me he ordered a knitting book, and for the wee one, we ordered a music cd. He paid about $1 for all this because we purchased the items with our airmiles. Nice!

But seriously, do we wrap everything up? Or just enjoy it when it arrives? The baby won't care if his cd is enjoyed immediately, or hidden in wrapping under a tree. I am just saying, it is strange the way we do things around here, it is :)

Cranky baby

We had a cranky baby this weekend. On Saturday we went with my mom's group to ride the Christmas Train. This is the only steam train operating in North America, and it rides around our outdoor forestry museum, about 15 minutes. At this time of year the grounds are all lit up with Christmas lights, and I was looking forward to the outing. Baby was pretty good, met Santa, until the whistle on the train blew as we pulled out of the station, and then he freaked out and started wailing. Poor little guy was absolutely terrified of the sound and cried for the whole train ride. I would get him calmed down and the whistle would blow again. After that he wouldn't settle for hours, just fussed about the house, sleeping in fits and starts until 8 (an hour past his bedtime) when he finally fell into a proper sleep.


Yesterday we took him geocaching, out a logging road. He was pretty good on the hike. Mr W had an adventure on a zip line over a river, and the dogs had a cold swim. Baby, however, started crying on the way home, and fussed for a few hours after that. Teething maybe? Could be. I can't see any teeth yet, but something was up, he is good natured otherwise. Today we stayed calm and mostly in our routines. I work for a few hours in the morning, have lunch, and then 3 days a week I try and walk for 5k around the track nearby. Did it today no problem, it wasn't sunny out, but was mild. We also took the dogs for a walk of course :) Must walk the beasties daily!

Who you talkin' to? You talkin' tuh me?

The little boy is getting SO EXPRESSIVE! He was hamming it up for photos the other day and my oh my is he cute. One of these went onto our Christmas Card that I designed. I can't wait to see it all printed up.

On the down side, he has started to wail when he doesn't get his own way. Yes, he has developed WILL. For example, he really wants to drink out of a cup, and when we give him one, he attacks it with glee, dribbling water all done his front. Then when we take it away he screams and cries until we can distract him from the tragedy.

This is the little boy at 4 months. He looks so GQ in this little v neck sweater my cousin knit. She has only knit one other thing - a blanket square - before attempting this sweater, amazing job!

Baby rolled over for the first time two days ago, and hasn't repeated the feat since. We were at the library on the floor mat and I convinced to go from his stomach to his back. What an intelligent baby.

Baby grasps things more often now, and can hold rattles and stuffed toys when given him. I love how aware he is, greeting me with smiles first thing in the morning.

This week he has been practicing cup drinking. He was watching his dad drink coffee with such intent we decided to try some warm water out of a glass. He did pretty well, the drinking reflex is well developed.

It is a sunny day here, a nice break from rain, I hope we get out for a dog hike today, since those beasties have definitely had fewer walks since the winter rains have arrived.

Spring lemons are finally ready!

Finally, spring has come here, and the lemons have ripened.


What? Did I confuse you? But seriously, check out the 100 mile lemons I purchased from a friend at the market. Aren't they beautiful? They really were grown right here on the island, but in someone's greenhouse.

They tasted so wonderful (yes, they are now all gone), and sweet, more like oranges than lemons.

They went well with the cold that sprung on me earlier in the week. And Honey was out working far from home so I couldn't get any real sympathy. Poor me. It helped to use Best Bud's hot toddy recipe- rum and lemons, yum. That knocked me out one evening when my throat was sore.

In gardening news- there is a garden! Yesterday I got all sorts of lettuce, spinach, and radishes planted. Today I am going to plant peas, kale and maybe broccoli. In the flower garden the sweet peas shall be planted, which is exciting since I have not planted sweet peas in years, yet they are one of my favourites!

Easter dye and fibre

We have had 2 days of rain here on the island. In the interior of BC they have had record breaking warm temperatures, which they were long overdue, since last week the temperatures were mid-winter like. From winter to summer within a week! Above is a picture of spring flowers out a few weeks ago. The willows and currants and other shrubs are the first to bloom in the spring and put on quite a show. Right now the Easter lilies are out soon to be followed by purple camas fields- I will post a picture when that happens!

Anyway, because of the rain, the garden the Honey and I had hoped to have dug this weekend is only half complete (we had high hopes it would be all dug with new soil this weekend).


Instead I have been inside dyeing and spinning my new fibre from Saltspring bought last weekend, and catching up on dyeing some of Grandma's skeins. It is fun to experiment with the different fibre. The lincoln takes a very bright dye, while the new wool/alpaca blend dyes to a slightly more muted colour. I really like the ease of one pot hot pour dyeing so mostly have been doing that. The exception is the blue skein in the picture. This is for Best Bud's birthday, and I was using contrasting colours so I dyed the blue and brown seperately (not at the same time).

The yellow and reds really are bright and are the colour of tulips out right now! I felt like some spring colours and boy did I get it! I am currently spinning the lighter brown alpaca (on the wheek) to ply with a skein of wool for Mom. Originally I had given her a single ply skein, but she would like a thicker yarn to knit up a hat.

My next spinning will be a blend of this beautiful orange colour with the alpaca to make a heathery orange/copper lightweight yarn for myself. I want to modify this pattern from knitty to create a lightweight wrap sweater for summer. I know I have had my eye on this for awhile!

As for the socks, YES I have finished the first! I have even started the second, but I have been very distracted by all the wonderful roving in the house so have been spinning in the evenings rather than knitting :)

It's been far too long...

Hello! It has been way to many weeks without a post. Let's just say March 31 came and went with most consulting projects wrapped up. A few things linger, but I had a lovely lovely 3 day weekend last weekend (my birthday weekend) and ahead lies a 4 day weekend too so I am catching up on things non work related at last.

Last Saturday Grandma took the Honey, my parents and me out for lunch on Saltspring Island. We went to a local pub right on the water called Moby's and enjoyed some might fine pub grub. Mom and I both had the ploughman's lunch with Thai chicken soup, corn bread, smoked cheeses and salad.

While on Saltspring we visited the local spinning and fibre mill as well as Bullock Lake Farm where we could buy the fleece. What fun! Spring shearing is happening right now, so the fleece is getting low. Grandma bought the remaining wool/mohair mix and we both bought up most of his alpaca. As well, I got a beautiful cream wool/alpaca mix. Plenty to keep us both spinning for awhile.

After we spent our money we asked if there was somewhere to walk our dogs somewhere, and Jim (farm owner) directed us to his bottom field. What an amazing location right on Bullock Lake. So we took the opportunity for photos AND a dog run.


We all headed back into Ganges for ice cream and shopping at Mouats (looking only), finished off at the end of the day by a stop at Saltspring Island Winery. I was very pleasantly surprised at the quality of their wines. We bought a pinot noir, and Dad bought a blend called Aramata (just bottled). Their blackberry port is nice because it is not as sweet as other ports made here locally.

Once home the Honey and I went to a hockey game- Cowichan is still in the semifinals and were playing Nanaimo. Although they lost that night to a sold out crowd they made a come back yesterday and are still playing.